3-20 is a bad way to go, but for sake of sheer horror, this year's worst possible outcome is that our beloved Puppies will pull a Memphis and end up with the league’s worst record and the 4th pick in the 2008 Draft. Taking into consideration the front office acumen at 600 First Avenue, a 10-15 win season could easily turn into a polished gem should the wrong player be selected with the lowest possible first round pick. Since the mood has been set with low bars and 4th quarter collapses, I proudly present to you the top 5 players of terror--the cold sweat nightmares that will keep you up at night with the haunting words of “And with the 4th pick of the 2008 NBA Draft, the Minnesota Timberwolves select…”

1. Kevin Love, “C”, UCLA- Mr. Love is a highly regarded freshman with a purported knack for pristine outlet passes. He’s also a questionable 6’9” with modest athleticism and little to no promise of guarding legitimate Association 5’s on a greater level than Big Al. On the plus side, Love is a hoops junkie (he watches tapes of Wes Unseld) who is supposedly a coaches’ dream (he proactively sought out the advice of John Wooden) with a high b-ball IQ. Can you think of a player that could possibly appeal more to Kevin McHale than Mr. Love? That fact alone should scare the bejeezus out of you…to say nothing of a 6’9” pseudo-Dukie who is best known for his outlet passing. Just what the Wolves need, right? Fear the Love.
2. Kosta Koufos- C, Ohio State: 19 and 7 looks good against Columbia University, but 4 and 3 looks even worse against Tyler Hansbrough and the UNC Tarheels. Koufos further bombed against Texas A&M by posting 10 and 5 (on 4-16 shooting) against pro-prospect (and legit NBA physical talent) Deandre Jordan. Koufos has also dropped 4 straight games with zero assists. Can you imagine a frontline of Al Jefferson, Craig Smith, and Koufos? Should such a combination be forced upon the Association, gravity may cease to exist once Telfair enters the ball into the paint. Koufos is a 7-foot Kris Humphries; a one-and-done player out to get his by shooting as much as he possibly can at the expense of his team and teammates. I thought this kid would be someone to keep an eye on but he is a late 1st rounder at best.
3. Chase Budinger- SF, Arizona: And with the 4th pick of the 2008 NBA Draft, the Minnesota Timberwolves select…the ghost of Sam Jacobsen!!! Let’s see…a white 6’7” wingman with a nice vertical who can hit the college three and is overshadowed by a Bobby Jackson-esque player (Jerryd Bayless). To give Mr. Budinger some credit, he is having an OK season at Arizona: averaging 17ppg with nearly 4 assists. That being said, the Wolves need a swingman with a 36% 3P% like they need a collective hole in the head.
4. Roy Hibbert- C, Georgetown: Mr. Hibbert makes the list because he is the safest pick and his selection would mean that some big names have decided to stay another year in college. As I have mentioned here several times, Roy Hibbert would be an excellent choice with the 15th pick in the draft. He is a legit 7 footer who has improved with each and every year in school. The reason why he is on this list is that he will become Christian Laettner, pt. ii. Yeah, he’s nice, but after Shaq and Zo come off the board, Mr. Congeniality isn’t the prize you want to come home with.
5. Eric Gordon- G, Indiana: Sweet baby Jesus he’s good. Built like a bowling ball and equipped with an NBA ready game and attitude, Gordon is a legit offensive threat from all over the court. He shoots 54% from the floor (50% from behind the college line), handles the ball well, passes with efficiency, and can even hit the boards. That being said, if the Wolves pick Gordon, they will have officially become the NBA’s version of the Detroit Lions: picking the same position with each and every first round pick they get their grubby little hands on. Unfortunately for us fans, Eric Gordon is to the Wolves what Calvin Johnson is to the Motor City Kities: a player of such immense talent that the Wolves will talk themselves into selecting another 6 nothing combo guard with Randy Foye and Rashad McCants already on the roster.

Honorable Mention: John Riek. Go ahead…Google him. There, you now know as much about the man as does Kevin McHale...and that is exactly what should scare you should his name be called out with the 4th pick.

Long Shot Award: The aforementioned Tyler Hansbrough. Every now and then I think to myself that the Wolves are in the position they’re in because of a number of factors that transcended the front office to such an extent that perhaps Kevin McHale really knows what he is doing and all along he and KG were trying their best to patch a lineup together with the intention of making it all work on a year-to-year basis. Now that KG is gone, McHale can set about doing what needs to be done: setting up a young franchise with a solid core of cornerstones and priced to move role players. It is in these moments that I view a pick for Tyler Hansborough as being an absolute impossibility. Surely the Wolves front office can’t be that insane. Yet, there he is: all 6’9” and 245 pounds of him. A 3-year Kevin Love who plays with passion and grit. Have you seen the way he works the low block? Have you seen how he can get to the line? Have you seen how he works against bigger and more athletically gifted post players? I like to think that the world is a good and decent place and that problems of theodicy can be overcome and explained away by the inherent goodness of man and the promise of reason. This entire world view would come crashing down should Mr. Hansbrough trade in the baby blue for the blue and green with the 4th pick. The world doesn’t need another out-of-position Tar Heel on the Timberpuppies’ roster. It would simply be too much to handle.